The Twins Make A Video

It's been a long time since I've posted. This pregnancy had been really uneventful. I mean - nothing. I haven't been sick. Everyone is growing perfectly. Personally I think I'm gaining too much weight but hey - doesn't every pregnant woman?

So, the twins are 17 weeks and 4 days old today. Yesterday we went to have The Big Ultrasound - aka the anatomy scan. I was all ready for it. Our first trimester screen results had come back so good even the perinatologist said he didn't see a need for an amniocentesis. Cool.

We trooped in and I dutifully stripped down my nether regions and submitted to the ooze of ultrasound gel. The scan lasted over 20 minutes - the longest we've had yet. Our doctor went through the entire scan with light commentary and pointed out that we do indeed have one of each - a boy and a girl. My husband and I oohed and ahhed over the images on the screen.

At the very end we got the report. Everything looks great. Except for one thing. Except. EXCEPT FOR ONE THING. I could feel my hands turning to ice and my face go numb. Except except except. It was starting to sound funny in my head, that little word. I couldn't even think.

Our beautiful little boy is missing his left hand. I'm pretty sure I went into a form of shock right then and there. I remember looking at the screen stupidly and asking "You mean, it's totally missing? Like it hasn't grown yet?" The doctor was gentle and explained that evrything should be in place at this point and my son's arm had stopped growing just past the wrist. He might have some hand bones, but no fingers to speak of. He showed us the difference in the two hands. His right had is perfectly formed - as are his sister's. There is a marked cutoff where his left should be. I was so numb I couldn't even cry or speak. I just nodded.

Our doctor believes that this is a case of a vascular problem and not one of amniotic banding. Simply put, he says, blood vessels failed to develop in the hand to encourage growth. Or something like that. I think. My head was spinning.

He helped me to sit up, said I could get dressed, and that he wanted to see me in a couple of weeks. He and the nurse left us alone. I just sat on the edge of the exam table staring at the floor. My husband put his hand on my shoulder and I started to cry. I couldn't help it. What were we going to do? What was going to happen to my precious baby?

Immediately my brain began catalouging every activity I could think of and I tried to imagine how he was going to be able to do ANY of it with one hand. I couldn't see a way. I couldn't stop. Was he going to be able to hold his bottle? He didn't have any fingers on his left hand - where was he going to wear his wedding ring? Oh, no! What if he never even finds a woman that loves him? Will he be picked on? Outcast? Will he be ashamed? Will WE as his parents be ashamed?

I will never forget what my husband did. He stood in front of me and very firmly said "DON'T cry. There is nothing to worry about. Everything will be fine. C'mon, let's go." Just like that I stopped crying and got up to get dressed. He was right. If my son was going to be strong I had to be strong first.

I've spent the last day or so reading everything I can about this and other congenital defects. I have come across some of the most amazing and inspiring stories of children who overcame ever greater odds and exceeded expectations beyond belief.

I've come to the conclusion that my son will only be disabled if we treat him like he is. I will leave this post with a video I found of Aimee Mullins speaking about her limb differences. It is truly inspiring.