Thinking Positive

I'm thinking happy thoughts. I'm thinking positive thoughts. I'm thinking happy positive thoughts.

I'm also positively thinking that these Endometrin inserts have got to be the most disgusting thing ever. Ew. I've never had to wear protective gear before but man I'm buying stock in Always now.

OK, grossness over. Let's move on.

So, the procedure went well. Now I'm waiting. Waiting to be tested. Waiting for that internal womanly know-it-all sonar to go off so that I can smile confidently and smugly at my husband and go "I just know I am." Not like he would believe me anyway. He'll believe in the blood test. That's it.

Pah. I laugh at your blood test! I think the blood test should be optional. Really. It's just insult to injury when you know that test is going to be negative. Not only do you have to drag yourself down there, you have to be jabbed with a sharp object, trade your blood for a cotton ball, and then receive a phone call later to confirm what you knew six hours earlier. Gee, thanks. It's negative? Good, because I was pretty sure that stick I peed on this morning was a total lie when I got this:



In all seriousness - can't I just decline? Can I call them when I get a positive test or my period is late and THEN I'll donate blood?

I'm trying to be positive about this whole conversion thing. Really, though, if I thought an IUI would work would have done that in the first place. The odds are really against us.

It's going to be hard to come up with interesting things to post about in the next 8 days. Not much else to do but wait. Can't test early - HcG shot makes everything positive anyway. Can't rely on basal body temperature - supplementing with progesterone throws those off too. Maybe I'll do some flashback posts.

Agonizing Over Antagonizing Decisions

Today we skipped off to the RE to have our third IUI done. It was supposed to be our egg retrieval but that was canceled because my ovaries didn't develop enough eggs to warrant going in and getting them. There were only two mature follicles willing to give it up. My dreams of having enough to retrieve, fertilize, transfer, and have some to put in the freezer were abruptly halted.

I'm a poor responder. Huh? You mean two months of sticking needles in my stomach and the highest dosage of stimulants didn't do the trick?

Needless to say, I wasn't exactly pleased. When I went in to have my last scan done I knew there was a problem when I saw those two lonely little circles on the monitor. When the RE says they want to talk to you that is a bad sign.

I was given the options: go ahead with the IVF with the knowledge that I only had two eggs and it was entirely possible that they could not fertilize, not be mature, not survive, or not even implant and we had no backups OR we could convert this cycle over to an IUI. I saw the logic. I even saw the financial reasons to convert the cycle. If the IUI failed, we were out a whole lot less money than if the IVF failed. Hell, we'd even have a credit with the clinic.

It just sucked. I was so ready to pull out the big guns and I was so sure that this would be IT. This was going to do the trick and we would be done and wouldn't have to do this anymore.

Either way, it made sense so we converted. I took my trigger shot like a good little girl and tried to figure out why I didn't grow any eggs. How was it possible when I popped three follicles on just 50mg of Clomid a few months ago? It didn't make sense.

I started researching different IVF protocols. The most common, Lupron down-regulation, is what I was on. Some research shows this can cause over-supression of the ovaries. Hmmm...you mean like 8 weeks of Lupron shots in addition to birth control pills? Naaahhhh....

Another protocol, Flare or Micro-dose Lupron, uses "antagonists" to stim faster and uses less supression. Everything I've been reading and a great many number of women I've happened upon who have switched from down-regulation to flare or even estrogen primed antagonist protocols have had much better success.

The point here is that while I'm still hopeful this IUI will be successful my nurse and I conspired together to have my RE do my procedure today. My husband and I cornered him in the room (with my paper sheet still draped around my hips no less) and we talked about agonist vs. antagonist protocols. While he feels I could respond completely different and have better results than last time using the same protocol again, he's willing to try something different. What a nice man.

I owe my nurse big time.

Convertible IVF With The Top Down

Things have been so crazy that I have not posted. In a long time. On purpose. We started all the procedures for our first IVF back in November. I was looking forward to puncturing myself with needles on a daily basis.

Actually, I was looking forward to finding out if my eggs were crappy or not. Really.

Unfortuantely, I found out on the day after Thanksgiving that I had a lovely 31mm cyst on my right ovary. Stop. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Spend $700 On Follistim. Since I was already taking my Lupron injections and birth control pills it was decided that I would continue this procedure until December 24th.

This was primarily decided so that all the doctors and nurses at the clinic could go on vacation...er, I mean, so the cyst could go away. Seriously though. I was now subject to a month of injections and a delayed cycle.

Boring. My desire to post oh so witty dialouge on the internet about repetitous needle sticks during the holidays just didn't seem all that fabulous. In fact, it seemed pretty depressing and I honestly couldn't think of a single thing to post about every single day.

So I didn't bother. Now, the ugly truth will come out when it's revealed that after the 24th we commenced the IVF procedure and I still didn't start back up. Oh, the shame! I'm in luck though. The stupid cycle got canceled (or converted, if you will) because I am a "poor responder". So, I should look at this as an opportunity for a second chance to divulge all the sordid details of the first round if we have to do this again.

After about a week and a half of nightly injections we've been converted to an IUI cycle due to lack of mature follicles. As in, I have two. That's all.

More to come.